By: Anoosha Avni, Ph.D.
Registered Clinical Counsellor
A woman who tells you she is single and happy is...lying. Right? At least that’s what many people are inclined to think. How can a woman be happy if she doesn’t have anybody in her life? Why is it hard to believe that women can be single and happy? More importantly, why it is hard for many women to believe this?
A woman who tells you she is single and happy is...lying. Right? At least that’s what many people are inclined to think. How can a woman be happy if she doesn’t have anybody in her life? Why is it hard to believe that women can be single and happy? More importantly, why it is hard for many women to believe this?
One of the main reasons is because women are told from a very young age, either directly or indirectly, that their worth is determined by being in a relationship. Nothing a woman accomplishes in life matters if she doesn’t have somebody special to share it with...and that somebody special should be somebody she’s having sex with. No wonder being a single woman in a couples-obsessed society can be tough.
Being single is not a personal problem. It’s a societal problem that’s causing a lot of women unnecessary problems. Women are blamed for being single. They are told by well-meaning friends, family members, co-workers, and even complete strangers what they’re doing wrong (“You’re too independent” or “You’re too picky”) and how they can ‘fix’ themselves to improve their chances of getting married or re-married (“Lower your standards” or “Wear more makeup and wear red. Men love the colour red”). Some women choose to accept this advice while others do not. The cycle repeats itself. Again. And again.
No matter what single women say (“I’ve got great family and/or friends, lots of hobbies, and I travel every year”) or do (complete an advanced degree, learn how to play the flute), most people won’t believe them when they say they’re single and happy. Single women just can’t win. In fact, society will have its own explanation for why these women are single. Do “You can’t trust men,” “You’ve got issues stemming from your relationship with your father,” or “You’ve spent the prime years of your life in school or trying to get promoted ” sound familiar?
As long as society tells women that they must be married in order to be happy, women will continue to fix imaginary problems and keep blaming themselves for being single.
Do you think it’s possible for women to be single and happy? I welcome your comments.
Yes, I think it's perfectly possible for single women to be happy, but again you're preaching to the choir here :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Grace. Unfortunately, many people have bought into the myth that in order to be happy, one must be married. I'm glad to hear you're not one of them.
ReplyDelete