The Importance of Values

By: Anoosha Avni, Ph.D.
Registered Clinical Counsellor

What are your values?

This may seem like a silly question, but read it again and take a moment to think about it.

What are your values? What is important to you? Why is it important to you? 

Part of living your best life means knowing what your values are. Values are the standards you choose to live your life by. Your values are your compass, which help to draw the map of your life and guide you in your daily decision making. They help you live a life that you feel passionate and excited about. 

Many people are unaware of their value system. They may have been instilled with certain values growing up, but may come to a different conclusion about what’s important to them when they’ve reached a certain age or have accumulated more life experience. This is perfectly okay. Values can change according to age, life stage, or going through an experience that challenges us to rethink our standards. 

What isn’t okay is living a life according to other people’s standards. Some people are afraid to live the life they want because they’re worried about what others will think of them.  When you let others dictate how to live your life, you are letting them impose their values onto you. For example, if you don’t think marriage is important for happiness or fulfillment, then don’t get married. If material wealth isn’t important to you, then don’t buy things you can't afford. 

Don’t be afraid to live the life you want because of what others may think. Let go of the ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts.’ Remember that what others think of you is actually a reflection of them. When they try to impose their values onto you, they are being selfish. What good can come out of a relationship in which somebody is telling you what you should think is important and, even worse, how to live your life?

The challenge for many people is to identify their values without letting others influence what these values should be. Forget what others want you to think is important. Ask yourself not only what’s important for you to live your best life, but why these standards are important to you. When you know what’s important to you and why, the world will look and feel much clearer. You will make decisions more easily. You will live life more fully. 

Most importantly, you will live your life on your own terms.

Ten Tips for Living Your Best Life

By: Anoosha Avni, Ph.D.
Registered Clinical Counsellor

What does living your best life mean? It means honouring your most important values, needs, and complexities. It means living a life you would be proud for your family and friends to emulate. If you’re ready to live your best life, follow these ten tips:

1) Know what is truly important to you and why.

Take the time to write down what’s important to you and what’s not. Some questions to ask yourself: What makes you feel alive? What gives you purpose and meaning? What type of person would you loathe to become? What are you planning for and why? Your values are your compass, which help to draw the map of your life and guide you in your daily decision making.

2) Make your health a priority.

The time to make your health a priority is all time. When life gets hectic, our health is often the first thing we compromise. Make sure you eat a balanced diet and drink plenty of water. Exercise regularly and consistently. Be emotionally healthy. Find a faith or spiritual community if this is important to you. When you don’t have your health, what do you really have?

3) Throw away the people-pleasing scripts.

Take charge of your life by making your own decisions. Learn to recognize and discard the people-pleasing scripts that have been holding you back. Write your own script and make it your mission to live your life for yourself and not others. Create a life you feel good about.

4) Make mistakes.

It’s easy to feel the pressure to excel in a society where our worth is largely dependent on how others evaluate us. Yet if you wish to learn and grow, you need to allow yourself to not only make mistakes, but to also learn how to handle the inevitable disappointment that comes with making them.

5) Take responsibility for your life.

Your actions cause your rewards and consequences. Take control of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Change the way you think. Take control of your feelings. Stop blaming your parents, siblings, friends, teachers, etc., for your problems. Don’t rely on anybody for your happiness, self-esteem, and financial security. Start taking control of your life.

6) Give back to your community.

Part of living your best life is sharing the lessons and gifts you were given with others. Volunteer. Be a mentor. Care about your community and the environment. Get involved in a cause that you’re passionate about. Think about the legacy you want to leave.

7) Re-think how you view romantic relationships.

A lot of people place too many expectations on their partner. Ask yourself why it is you expect your partner to meet all of your needs when you can have some of these needs met in other ways (e.g., through friends, family, hobbies, yourself). Don’t make someone your everything because when they’re emotionally or physically gone, you’ll have nothing.

8) Be kind and compassionate to yourself and others.

Treat yourself and others with the kindness, compassion, and respect that you wish to be treated with. Set and maintain healthy boundaries. Learn to give and accept compliments. Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small they may appear. Give yourself permission to live the life you want.

9) Surround yourself with supportive people.

Surround yourself with people who love and support you and accept you for who you are. Let go of negative, toxic, and dishonest people. How do you know which relationships need to be reconsidered? One sure fire way to know is to monitor how you feel before, during, and after a get together with someone. If you dread seeing that person, feel like your time with them is forced, and are relieved when it’s time to say good-bye, chances are, this relationship has run its course.

10) Learn to forgive.

Forgiveness is giving up the hope of a different past. While it’s important not to deny your past, it’s also vital not to let it define your future. Reframe the trials and tribulations you went through by learning from them and forgiving yourself for what you did or did not do, as well as the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you; it’s for you.

Take a good look at how you’re living your life: Are you surviving or thriving? If you’re surviving, you’re settling. When you’re thriving, you’re living a life that fills your soul with vitality and energy. Make it your mission to live the life you truly want: your best life.  

 

Stanley Cup Riots: It Ain’t Just The ‘Bad Apples’

By: Anoosha Avni, Ph.D.
Registered Clinical Counsellor

Many people seem to believe that losing the final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs, along with drug and alcohol consumption and a few ‘bad apples,’ were the cause of the riots. While these factors contributed to the events following the Boston Bruins’ 4-0 victory over the Vancouver Canucks on June 15^th, 2011, the reasons are more complex and require an understanding of three key psychological concepts to help explain why otherwise law-abiding citizens would either engage in harmful and illegal behaviour or do nothing to stop it.

The first concept is deindividuation, which is the loss of individuality that occurs when a person becomes submerged in a group and feels relatively anonymous. We see this frequently in sporting events when fans paint their faces, wear masks, and adorn their favourite team’s jerseys. The anonymity of face paints and masks allows for the loss of a sense of individual responsibility and may encourage a person to participate in acts they would not normally engage in if they were alone. Personal identity and self-awareness are lost in a group and are replaced by the identification with the goals and actions of the group. The power of deindividuation is so strong that cell phone cameras and videos, which would be considered as obvious deterrents, do not prevent group participation in destructive and illegal acts.

 

Emotional contagion, the second concept, is the tendency to automatically copy and synchronize emotional expressions, postures, vocalizations, and movements of another person. The emotions triggered in a crowd are very powerful. During the 2010 Winter Olympics, the excitement and exhilaration was shared by virtually everybody in the crowds gathered in downtown Vancouver. Wednesday’s riots, however, shows how susceptible some people are to catching anger and fury fuelled by a small number of individuals. 

Finally, bystander effect and diffusion of responsibility dictate that the more witnesses are present, the less likely it is that anybody will intervene. People tend to think that somebody else will intervene, which makes it less likely that they would stop laws or social norms from being broken. Not only is there not much safety in numbers, but an individual’s perception of his or her responsibility also affects his or her interpretation of the event. If a bystander thinks that setting vehicles on fire or assaulting a fan of the rival team is a nonemergency, they are unlikely to intervene. While there certainly were individuals who attempted to stop looters and break up fights, the vast majority of the crowd didn’t attempt to intervene when they saw people looting stores, being physically assaulted, or cars being set on fire. Many looked on or tried to capture these images on their cell phone cameras. 

It’s easy to blame the ‘bad apples’ for the destruction and injuries caused during the riots yet doing so undermines the powerful psychological factors that make otherwise law-abiding citizens participate in harmful and illegal acts or, more commonly, stand by and do nothing.

Live Your Best Life!

Hello and welcome!

My name is Dr. Anoosha Avni and I'm a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Director of Vanora Wellness Solutions. I'm passionate about helping people live their best life. 

I provide counselling for teenagers and adults who are struggling with the following challenges:

• Anxiety
• Phobias
• Being single in a couples-obsessed world

I believe that everyone possesses the wisdom and intuition needed to live their best life. Living your best life means honouring your most important values, needs, and complexities. Sometimes, we need a little guidance to help us get back onto our path to living our best life. 

To learn more about how I can help you get back onto your path of living your best life, call (604) 917-0176 or email info@vanorawellness.com to set up a FREE, confidential 15-minute phone consultation.

I look forward to helping you live your best life.